Since I have been off of the streets for a while now, I have been dealing with being depressed. And lately the depression has been kicking my ass. I am getting to where I am not wanting to really go out and do things with people, I hate being around other people more and more.
I especially hate seeing people that are in relationships that look happy. But that is the nature of the beast, I can't and doubt I ever will be in a happy relationship with someone.
Most of the things I do are alone. I go to the movies alone, I go for bike rides alone, alot of times I go out to eat by myself, I walk around the mall most of the time alone, you name it I do it alone. I just don't have it in me to try and be social.
Some people say I have improved with socializing the last few years, but secretly it bothers the hell out of me going to events and trying to fake my way through not being afraid of total strangers. I never know what to say around people most of the time and the things I do talk about aren't really that exciting.
I am scared to death of rejection so for me it is a lot easier to hide in my room and not go out. I don't want to risk being laughed at, or hated because I am who I am. And that is a very depressed individual.