March 24, 2012

Rude Awakenings

There is nothing more unpleasant than getting woke up in the middle of the night in a rude fashion. I will tell you about a few of my more memorable rude awakenings.

The first one that comes to mind, was one night while I was sleeping on Miami Beach near a lifeguard tower. If I remember correctly it was about 3 am, when I heard a few people on the lifeguard tower drinking and partying, no big deal, I was use to that kind of noise.

Anyway, I remember that I had just fallen asleep, when I felt something wet on my sheet I had covering me. I woke up and move the sheet from my face and a guy was pissing on me. When he seen me, he just laughed and continued on. He then told his buddies, hey look at this homeless piece of shit, I am pissing on him. That was the first rude awakening for me.

The second one that I remember, I was sleeping near the bushes on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, when I got kicked in the leg. I woke up to find 2 Fort Lauderdale cops standing there with their flashlights blinding me. They both began to harrass me and ask me stupid questions, and then told me to get moving or risk being arrested for sleeping on the beach. Jerks!

And finally this one I will never understand but I was laying in plain sight on a stack of chairs on Miami Beach once again, and I was sound asleep, when I felt the chairs shaking. I woke up to find a couple fucking right next to me. When I sat up the man, punched me in the face giving me a bloody nose, he told me I was an asshole for startling his woman.

Those were just a couple of the more interesting rude awakenings, there are plenty more I could tell you about and I probably will in the future. As I said before sleeping is a bitch when you are homeless.

March 23, 2012

A Sleeping Spot

For a really long time this spot in the bushes is what I called home. Countless nights of being ate up by mosquitos and ants. Sticks and rocks poking my back as I laid on the ground at night.

The one nice thing about it, no one knew I  was there and it was quiet. I could just about hide there all day and not fear being seen but I never did.

Today I ride my bike to that spot and oddly think about my many nights there. Some were shitty others were relaxing.

March 22, 2012

Meal Site Peeves

The one thing that bugged me a lot when I  was homeless, is when I would go to a homeless feed site and some asshole would stand there the whole time and complain.

It bugged the shit outta me that a person could bitch about the taste of food when it was free to him/her. You can't expect gourmet food in the soupline asshole!

Another thing I heard alot, was people complaining that they had to wait in line too long. Again its free an not fine dining, learn to be patient.

And I really hated seeing people go through get a plate of food not even take a bite and throw it in the trash or on the ground. Hey asshole next time don't take the food and let someone else get it that will eat it.

March 21, 2012

Get A Job!

The homeless have all heard it at one point or another. "Get a job!". Great are you offering me a job? Probably not.

As a homeless person you hear that more times than you really want to think about. Most of the time you hear that from an individual that happens to see a person on the street, and thinks its really fucking hilarious to yell that at the homeless man/woman.

There are a lot of homeless people that would love to have a job, start their lives over, and get the hell off of the streets, but no one is willing to allow a person that is not cleaned up or doesn't have a perfect work record to work for them.

I often wonder if the person that yells that at a homeless person, if they had a business they owned, and the homeless person ended up going to that person's business asking for work, what would happen? I am guessing that the person that owns the business is going to take one look at the homeless person and say sorry we aren't hiring.

I had a person once tell me that they weren't hiring, when they had a sign in the window that said the business was looking for dishwashers and wait staff. Granted I wasn't perfectly groomed but I went in with the best clothes I had and a good attitude, just to have the piece of shit that was manager there tell me they weren't looking for my type. What exactly did that mean? Did I have a disease they were afraid they might get? Was I a green alien from outerspace? I asked him what he meant and he told me if I didn't leave the property he would call the police and have me arrested for trespassing. So I left without ever getting an answer.

But anyway, I hope the next time someone yells at a homeless person to get a job, I hope they take a good look at themself and think, hmmm maybe I should be more kind to that person, because one day I could be sitting next to him or her in the soup kitchen eating like the rest their kind.

March 19, 2012


To continue a little bit on the eating situation as a homeless person, I can remember alot of times going into grocery stores, grabbing a shopping cart, and as I walked around I would grab things to fill the cart, but my main purpose was grabbing small items I could open and eat as I walked around the store. Most of the time I would do this when I didn't find food in the rear of the store and I was out of food stamps.

I am not proud that I had to do that, it wasn't the highlight of my life having to steal candy bars or small bags of chips or lunch meat and eat as I walked around the store. But when you are fucking hungry, you tend to do the things you would never think that you would do.

I only was caught one time by a security guard doing this, and the only thing she said to me was "Just leave the store and know that you are banned for life from here." I have never been back to that store and that was 4 years ago.

Eating is very difficult to do on the streets and sadly you do what you have to, even if that means risking going to jail for stealing a candy bar because you are so hungry that you just don't give a shit about the consequences.

March 18, 2012


Eating on the streets is a matter of strategy and a lot of energy. For the homeless to eat 3 meals a day they can expect to walk many miles or if they are lucky enough to have a bus pass ride the bus. But for many its the walking option.

Most of the meal sites are spread out in the city. You may have to walk 2-3 miles from downtown to your first meal of the day in the city, then walk back downtown for your second meal, and then after a few hours walk another mile or two to one of the few places near the downtown area to eat your last meal of the day.

It has gotten a little better for the homeless since I have been off of the streets, but there are a lot of footsteps involved still to get from meal site to meal site. And now with the police and other city officials trying to find a universal feeding spot, who knows how far the homeless will have to travel to eat.

When I was on the street, I depended heavily on my food stamp card, and as much as I hate to say it, alot of my meals came from the dumpster behind the local grocery stores. It's a damn shame what stores throw away and not even think about the people on the streets that would love to have that food for a meal.

I would find everything from apples to zucchini bread in the dumpster. There is a trick to that also, you want to be near the rear of the store in the early morning hours, when most of the food is first placed in the dumpster, because you sure don't want to eat food that has sat in the sun half of the day.

I would normally sit and wait around the dumpster about 7am every morning when I didn't have food stamps for that day to eat. Delivery guys would come in, stock the shelves and throw out the expired products. Alot of times I would find snack foods, like chips that I could stick in my bag for later in the day, so I didn't have to wander around so much for food.

Just remember though, it is expired food and some of it may taste like shit. You really have to watch what you eat. Don't be in a rush and start jamming things down your throat, you may make yourself really sick.

All in all, eating was the most time consuming part of my day. I hated trying to find food.